Chapter 21 - The Difference Maker (Thanks Forest Labs!)

It's been a big week. I had my 14th (yes, FOURTEENTH) chemo session locally in PA on Monday, then on Tuesday, drove to NYC to Memorial Sloan Kettering to basically re-establish things and get back on their radar since my last visit with them was on 11/6/23.

MSK didn't tell me "oh you're going to be fine!" But they did say they have an aggressive team that focuses on the new place my cancer has progressed to, and they have agreed to refer me to them. They said that team won't want to make a move until they see my next scan, and we agreed I'll get my scans done at MSK moving forward. A lot of travel for this to all happen, though it puts me at ease somehow.

They confirmed my fear that this progression is of chief concern, along with my elevated cancer markers, though they did seem to like my driven nature toward the "whack a mole" approach and said the speciality team would like it, too. My oncologist there says she wants them to get to know me, my story, etc. (I shared with her that my oncologist at URMC and Geisinger are not in the "whack a mole" approach camp. 👎👎

She also said I was one of the most educated patients she had - and we're not talking college degrees here - we're talking cancer knowledge. My husband beamed. 🧠👏

She mentioned ongoing chemo - for life - even if I get the specialty team to get aggressive and remove it surgically or radiate my problem areas. That's a huge bummer. I mean, negative cancer markers (blood tests) might change that direction in the future, who knows. But just to hear her mention it as a reality was just a great big UGHHHHHH.

Now to the difference maker since my Chapter 20 (A Bad Attitude) update. My psychiatrist authorized an increase in my antidepressants about 3 weeks ago and it has made such a big difference. I'm humming around the house. I got gas last week and as I was throwing away stuff in the gas station trash can, I sang "gas for $2.99...gas for two ninety niiiiiiine!!" (Full disclosure - I may have used some grocery store credits to get gas for $2.99 but whatever!) Then I laughed out loud and said to myself, "The Lexapro is Lexing!"

Anyway, that's the update. #kfg

Chapter 20 - A Bad Attitude

I've had some bad scans and even worse blood tests come back, indicating that cancer is back in the house. Going to chemo again is no fun, either. I couldn't paint a smile on my face, but I did manage to bring my cake pops for the great oncology staff. 

My appointment at MSK is set for 5/14. The next scan (to see if any progress is being made) is set for July - which is a long time to wait - but I have to trust the process.

I apologize for not responding to the many of you who have texted, emailed, called, DM'd, etc. I am finding myself in a deep depression (and yes, I am consulting with a therapist and a psychiatrist) but responding to people when I have no good news to share seems unbearable. Even when I know they just want to help and brighten my mood. Please give me some time and I'll respond.