September
11, 2023 (KW) My husband and I made the journey to New York to visit Memorial
Sloan Kettering (MSK) to get my first set of scans (post chemo). Scanxiety is
a very real thing and even though I thought I was holding it together
pretty good in the waiting room (i.e. I wasn’t pacing or hyperventilating
as we waited for the results), my anxiety did take a hold of me in the form of
a migraine. I had to rush to the restroom THREE TIMES to throw up. And
even on our way home, back to PA, I kept on doing the same (once a
migraine takes a hold of you, it’s not quick to wear off – IYKYK).
But we did receive very good news. The scans showed that EVERYTHING is
shrinking. There was no new tumor growth anywhere and not one
“trouble spot” from the initial (baseline) scan remained the same…they all
decreased in size. Which is good! This is the direction we want things to
trend. I, of course, asked, “Okaaaay, when can I get into surgery?” My
doctor smiled and said, “Not yet.” But she did anticipate that in 2
months’ time, when we go back for the next scan, we’ll be able to talk
about that. And that’s really important to me…to have a milestone, a goal
post, a DATE.
She’s ordered 4 more cycles of chemo (ugh). But I’ve done 4 so far, I can do 4
more. I actually think there’s quite a bit more chemo in my future, but I
like to think of it in bite-sized chunks.
I keep trying to “white board” this whole process out. And it’s impossible to
do. But for the first time since my diagnosis, I don’t feel like I’m going
to die in a couple of years. Nope. Not going out like that. I’m going to
get to surgery, let them cut out errrrrything that they can, go
through the “mop up chemo,” as they call it, and then I’m going to get on
with my life. I’ll have to manage and monitor it for the rest of my days
(similar to how one manages/monitors diabetes), and I’m sure there will be
scary instances again (things that pop on scans that we’ll have to
address), but I’ll deal with those as they come.
I cannot thank all of you enough for the prayers and good energy you’ve been
sending my way. And I know you all want to know what you can send, and
you’ve been asking what I need, etc. I promise, I don’t need a thing, but
your continued prayers and support.
